I don’t really believe in regrets. I’ve always seen missteps in life as learning experiences, but there has been one regret I have carried with me since I was a teen. It’s the only thing that if given an opportunity to go back in time, I would change how I handled it because it still haunts me almost 30 years later.
I was waiting in the line outside a stadium to go in for a concert. With each concert I’d attend in Vancouver, I’d usually see the same homeless person who would come and do multiple one armed push ups for money and this time was no different; however, the people engaging with him this time were different. I stood in that line up and watched some early twenties guys start to harass this homeless man. As he did his push ups, one spat on the ground by his face and told him he’d give him five dollars to do the push up and lick it up. They taunted him, teased him, and treated him like he was nothing, and I was horrified by their behaviour.
What made it worse for me was they broke what spirit he had in that moment. This man had these beautiful, crystal clear, blue eyes that pierced into your soul when you looked at him, and to watch him burst into tears destroyed me. He told the guys, “I am still a human being.” They laughed and went back to the line, with their money in their hand, as this man sat there with his head tucked into his hands and cried. I walked over to him and handed him a twenty dollar bill and told him, so others around and the harassers could hear, that it was for dealing with assholes like them as I motioned over to where they stood. He thanked me, but I’ve always felt what I did wasn’t good enough.
For me, the fact that I didn’t interject during their harassment is what haunts me. I wish I had had the strength to interject during what was happening and try to put an end to it sooner. There were hundreds of us around and most ignored what was happening, while others stood watching and laughing. And then there was me, horrified at the inhumanity I was witnessing. Despite these guys being older and bigger than me and me being outnumbered, I’ve always felt I should have stepped in sooner to prevent how bad the harassment got for this man. I wish I had stepped in to put those guys in their place and stand up for him. But really, I just wish I had done more to help protect this person from what he endured that day. And it’s the only thing I have ever carried as a regret in my life.
Perhaps this is why I teach my students every year about mob mentality. I show them what horrible things can happen because of it, but how a positive mob mentality exists to make a difference. They have to choose whether to be the kind of person to destroy or the kind of person that restores humanity. Alongside that, I spend time promoting random acts of kindness, gratitude, and being good people in the time they’re with me. And with my own kids, I’ve had them help make lunches for homeless shelters, or we’ve dropped food off with those who sleep on our streets. But it never feels like enough to make up for not interjecting in that moment. I know I can’t go back and change what happened, but I can keep working to teach our future generations to be better.
After all these years, nothing will ever release my guilt that day, because I will always regret not standing up for that man in the moment he truly needed someone to have his back. That man needed humanity to see him as whole and understand he deserved so much more than the hand he was given in life and safety from the cruelty of the guys who devalued him. I will forever regret not being a stronger voice to protect him in that moment, and I am forever ashamed that I didn’t do more.
Continual Momentum 