He’s the man who is here on ground zero with me as we navigate raising our blended family. He walked into our lives, not knowing the full extent of the trauma the kids were bringing with them, but it has never stopped him from loving them like his own. And as we continue to uncover more trauma, emotions, fears, and other regular daily hurdles, he’s there with love, hugs, and reminders that he is not going anywhere. He is their chosen Dad and he is healing them through his presence and actions.

He is a man that shows up. Whether a concert in a kid’s room, a craft night at the school, parent teacher meetings, birthday parties, and more, he makes space for them all, takes extra days off of work when needed, and makes sure they see him being there without any excuse of the other things he could be doing. They needed this reassurance that they were worthy of this type of love and attention from a Dad and he fills them up through his actions.

He is the man that when I am home later, he’s already had them complete their routines of lunches and planners. The kids see the beauty of parenting in a unified way that means what Mum says, Dad says too and what Dad says, Mum says too. They see him cook, clean, and share in the household responsibilities. And I love that my kids get to see what a healthy relationship looks like now. They see him hug and kiss me daily. They get to see that when I have nothing left, he steps up to do more. They see that we are a team and are united in how we are raising them.

He brings joy to our world. His childlike heart matches our own and is highlighted in his laugh when he surprises them with a confetti cannon. He’ll be silly, buy things like bubble guns and Nerf guns so we can have battles and fun, or he’ll make sure the kids get sprayed while washing vehicles, which turns into a family water fight. And he is the king of the Dad jokes that make us groan and laugh.

He is security. They feel safe with him. Safe from harm, but their emotions feel safe with him too. When those fears creep in they can tell him and be reassured. But he also pushes them to move beyond their comfort zones to grow into who they are becoming.

He isn’t afraid to tell them how he feels or have a heart to heart conversation. He’ll initiate those conversations between Dad and child and then I hear about it later and am relieved and thankful for the endless support he provides.

Every day I am grateful that the kids I brought with me into this relationship have a chosen Dad who has never once made them doubt his love for them. I am grateful that they are loved without judgement and are accepted as his despite the lack of DNA connection. And considering he treats all of our kids equally it continually reassures all the kids that we are a complete family, no matter the blood lines.

He is their Chosen Dad and he loves them like his own. And that just makes us all love him even more.