It’s so important to be empathetic to the feelings of others, but sometimes I realize my optimism for others overpowers my ability to show true empathy for their feelings. I can’t help feeling optimistic and hopeful for the people in my world. I always want the best for them, and when they can’t feel it for themselves, then I want to share my hopes of good things ahead. But I also recognize that at times this prevents me from truly being the empathetic friend who sits and listens with respect and honour for their feelings in that moment.

It was a conversation with one friend a few months ago where I truly saw how my optimism was preventing empathy. As they poured their heart out about how they were feeling and their fears for their future, rather than just listen and validate their feelings in that moment, I ended up talking about all the things they had ahead of them, and how just because they felt that way in the moment it didn’t mean things wouldn’t change for the better. And as their clear frustration grew at me not truly realizing and understanding that it may not actually change, and that inability for me to just sit with them in the uncomfortable place of their reality, I realized that my optimism and hope for good things for the people I loved wasn’t allowing me to remain in that vulnerable place of hopelessness in their moment.

It’s a hard balance to find with those you love. We always want to load people up with hope for what lies ahead, but sometimes we have to turn off that voice. Sometimes we just need to sit with them and tell them that their feelings are valid and you’re there for them. The truth is, all the optimism in the world doesn’t change the fact that in that moment their life is in this current place. And all the optimism in the world doesn’t mean it’s going to actually get better either. So I’m working at silencing that side of me that wants to tell them it will all turn out, because we really don’t know. I am working at sitting with them in that hard place to embrace and validate how they feel. Meanwhile, I take all those hopes and dreams for them and I keep them in my heart, because if I can realign the stars to make them come true, I would. But just in case I can’t, my supportive empathy for how they feel and what they are going through is really the only thing that will lead them to better days ahead.