Some mornings, it’s hard to get up and face the day. There are some days that beat you down so much as a parent that you’re not sure you’ll recover from the time they go to sleep until they wake up. And some days you don’t. You run on empty and the focus is to keep them alive for the day, but you have nothing left to give them or yourself. Sometimes these days will string together managing to deplete you even further. Of course, there is understanding that those big emotions from the kids come from a place beyond what they say or do; and, although you know they are still learning, or dealing with an age based transition, or processing their trauma, there are days where being a parent exhausts absolutely everything you have and the responsibility of it all overshadows any joy. But in these moments, you need to realize it’s okay to feel defeated. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s normal if you have a moment where you feel you are failing in this role, but really you just need space to feel like you again. Parenting has cycles of ups and downs, and sometimes it can feel absolutely miserable on a down cycle. In those moments, it’s necessary to hold onto the hope that it will get better again so you can keep going.

There will be those good days where your kids tell you they love you and snuggle in close. Days filled with laughter and beautiful memories that make you love your role as a parent. Then there will be days that leave you sobbing in the shower. Days where you lay in bed hoping the kids will just leave you alone so you can find some strength to get into your parent mode and make it through. And there will also be days with both ups and downs where you get enough balance of emotions to not feel depleted.

On those rough days, where I lose the ability to shield myself from any negativity and words being thrown at me, it hits me harder than normal and leaves significant damage. On those days, the constant stream of hearing Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, MUUUUM makes me cringe and long for solitude and space to refind my strength. The other day I put on a lap timer so I could mark how many minutes — sometimes seconds — between a child saying Mum. It allowed me to laugh as I marked the two to five minute intervals before the next interruption. This went on all day, but my favourite was the 4 interruptions just while I asked for silence so I could drink my tea in peace. On these types of days, sometimes I will go and watch funny and happy videos of my kids to remind myself of what I love about being their mother. Other times, I need to step away because the heaviness of their own emotions are like weights around my own soul and I am drowning in their sea of momentary instability. And the hardest part of all of those feelings, is reminding yourself how you are feeling is normal. It’s okay to have days where your kids drive you insane and you need a break. You may feel like you are failing or that you are an awful parent in those lows, but that’s just fear of failure creeping in. Take the time and look at how far you have already brought these kids on their journey of life and all the good you’ve been able to do and instill in them so far. The reality is you’re doing a great job, because if you weren’t a safe space, they wouldn’t be testing those boundaries and releasing those big feelings at you.

I have days of being a super mum where I can take them out on multiple adventures, do activities, and be fully present. And then I have those days, where they have caused 20 new white hairs, couple more wrinkles, and deflated any enjoyment of their company. Both sides of parenting are normal, and we need to give ourselves patience and grace to get through those hard days. We don’t have to be on at all times. And it’s okay for kids to see you working through your own emotions. If you can be vulnerable with them, they can remain vulnerable with you. You expressing your feelings builds empathy and keeps an open discussion about emotions.

Some days of parenting will make you question everything. It will leave you defeated and nervous to face another day if it’s going to be another cycle of difficult behaviours. But other days you will adventure, connect, and the kids will get along. They’ll work out their problems without tattling, and they’ll be the good humans you’re trying to raise them to be. You’ll get those chances to be reminded why you’re doing this and the love you have for them. But on those days where they challenge your abilities as a responsible adult, you need to hold onto the positive stories and memories about why you wanted to be a parent and the good times that you’ve had. You need to look at how well you’re doing with helping them navigate this world. Hold on to hope and keep consistent, because tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully the monsters you were navigating today will return back to the amazing humans you know they are learning to be by tomorrow.